Hip Hop Saved My Life

I was celebrating my 42nd birthday. My mom didn't call like she normally would. It was so odd. We were all stuck in our homes due to the Covid-19 global shutdown, so I had a virtual party over Zoom.

A day or two passed, and still no callback. Her silence felt ominous. So I decided to call the local sheriff's department for a well-check. I was internally thinking that maybe she had fallen and could not get up or something like that. The sheriff's office knocked on the door. The door was left unlocked. The officer's footsteps echoed through my mother's empty house as he searched for her. The paramedics were all chatting. You can hear the sounds of the EMT's equipment being placed on the floor. Someone is calling my mother's name. They kept calling her by name. Then...silence. Nobody said anything. My intuition already sensed the worst. The deputy's voice was gentle yet matter-of-fact as he confirmed my fear - my beloved mother had passed away alone.

Somehow, my intuition already knew that DONNA's spirit had left this earth. I was calm. I took care of the necessary arrangements to direct the officers to the next steps.

I hung up the phone. Shock descended as I made arrangements in a daze. I gathered my children, their sobs piercing my heart as I shared that Grandma was gone. I informed my twin brother, and we all made arrangements to book immediate travel to lay Donna to rest. I desperately sought solace from the local Baptist clergy but was turned away. I can’t believe that I was told that I needed to make an appointment to see the pastor.

Directionless, just driving around town, I wandered until a beautiful cathedral drew me inside. Collapsing before the altar, tears flowed as I released anguish and pleaded for strength. A kind priest comforted me and prayed over me and my family. His compassion resonated during those darkest hours. He blessed me with a writ of novena prayers and candles with instructions to honor my mother's spirit. I had never heard of the nine novena prayers prior to that experience. It was certainly a beautiful way to honor my mother's spirit to guide her home to our Father in heaven.

The days thereafter blurred together between funeral planning and unbearable black grief. I clung to my faith yet felt utterly lost. Then my brother played #KanyeWest's new album, #DONDA, named for his own late mother. The album was just released a few days before my mother passed away. The track "24" captured my sorrow and longing so profoundly. Kanye's raw pain mirrored my own.

Through his vulnerable artistry, I gained insight into my tragedy. The depths of despair are temporary when you lean on faith and community. God sends angels when you need them most. The generous priest and Kanye's enveloping music were divinely ordained to guide me through a devastating loss.

Life without my mother remains a daily struggle. Black grief is an emotion and an experience that has yet to be fully researched. But replaying the DONDA album revitalizes my spirit when hope flickers. The album is a testament to overcoming even deep wounds that may never fully heal. I draw comfort knowing #DONNA watches over me as I carry on, living a life that honors her.

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